egad
2005-01-30 @ 12:57 p.m.

oh god.
i want to be sick again.
i like the feeling of people telling me im too pale, and too thin, it makes me feel soo good, like you dont understand. on christmas eve my aunt said "you gained weight" i was like yeah. and i felt like the biggest fucking horrible person ever.
GOD.
ive been not eating all day untill after school, then BINGING like crazy, sometimes up to 2000 calories. and then i take laxitives. its horrible. im so sick of this all. why cant i control myself? URGH. ive been throwing up a little too. the one time i almost died, i got an eyeliner pen sick in my throat, and couldnt breahte. eh. im sorry, my mom found my laxitives, and my cigerettes, and eh well lets say i was in a tab bit of trouble. i dont care though. OH YES. i got my permit, finally, after failing 6 times, and waiting months. im very proud of myself.
logan didnt pick me remember? well the girl he did pick broke up with him. now were watching movies at his place on friday. well i dont know about this. i dont want to get my hopes up

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