i cant take life sometimes well alot of times.
2006-01-12 @ 9:23 a.m.

Make love, hate yourself, but baby, I'm all yours.

Im such a fucking asshole. I hate being such a fucking jerk.
i love my boyfriend tim, alot, more than anything, and i hate myself, he doesnt deserve me. Im usually always drunk around him it seems, and a jerk. last night at the emanuel show i was drunk and he wouldnt even stand with me, his own fucking girlfriend who he loves, and he didnt say goodbye to me when i left. I saw him walkin across the street and i screamed WHATEVER, really loud and he didnt say anything. and i just hate myself when im drunk i hate it, especially when im with tim. Although he called me later and told him i was drunk and it was okay and im perfect and he loves me, i just dont believe him, or anyone for that matter, i just feel so fucking alone, and i fucking feel so fuckign different, and CONFUSED all the fucking time in my head.

I wish i wasnt in love with him, i honestly do sometimes. I CANT take feeling like shit over everything, and being scared of being fucked over. Im so paranoid about love, and i wasnt, untill the boy i thought i loved wouldnt take me back, and said i changed, but a week before that told me he wanted to marry me?? what the hell, there all liars. i cant wait till im married then i cant get fucking over, well at least broken up with.

i have so much more to say, or maybe its just me saying the same thing over and over again because i feel so anxious and uncomfortable about everything, god, fuck, jesus.

hah jesus, whats that, do i evenbelieve.

maybe i should start again, and be straight edge, who am i kidding i cant give up even fucking cigarettes.

please someone talk to me.

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