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pain comes with rewards i think my birth control is making my fuckign wack, plus gain more weight, and i feel like shit all the fucking time, i relaly do. i cant be this heavy anymore i cant take it, i feel so fucking gross i cant bleive im up to this weight again it drives me insane, you know what i need? some good starving. i sometimes dont think i can do it again, but i did it for over 6 months when i was in 9th grade, i mean once i start, after the first 2 days it easy, you just have to get over the hunger pain, but id rather be bulimic then ana, i mean at least you can eat the food. gah, then ill have a food obsession thing again, but i already do, i guess an eating disorder never truely goes away, but then ill have to go back to fuckign therapy, oh jesus, fat vs. therapy? i dont know, this journal brings back fucking in the closet memories you dont like talking about, but you love them at the same time, then hate them.
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